Further proof that Shakespeare would love ‘bling.’
I imagine that my outdated posts are still legible (unless you’ve suffered some sort of language-related amnesia, and the fact that your question was phrased in English seems to indicate to me that you did not). So, to answer your question, you might attempt to go about reading my blog the same way you did when the posts were new. I believe reading old words and new words works the same way. ;)
Snarky: Can we call ourselves the lake pirates?
Snarky: I think it should be like a snooty book club or a salon or something.
Karma: Can we still try and speak like pirates? And serve macarrrrroni? (pause.) I think I need a vacation.
Snarky: I think you do too. It’s still warm in AA.
[A significant amount of time passes]
Karma: It took me all of this time to realize you meant Ann Arbor and not Alcoholics Anonymous. I would’ve never had this problem on a houseboat.
Today? Paris, France.
Today I recieved a 13 week review at work. During said review, my boss informed me that I do an “average job” of building internal relationships.
So, I’m dedicating this blog to weird things about my co-workers that I would have never discovered in the course of average-relationship-building-type conversations. Obviously I won’t be using any real names and will instead refer to my co-workers as Simba, Scenario, Buckeye, Ninja, and Giggles.
So there. Have I proved that I’ve been listening yet?
Today it was brought to my attention, by none other than my snarky Ann Arbor counterpart, that I’m impossibly fixated on instant gratification. I found myself whining on the phone about how I don’t like to make toast because the toaster takes too long. That’s how pathetic I am.
So the question that statement begs is, “Okay, so what?” I just felt like it should be mentioned because it applies directly to my relationship to this blog. You see, I love the way it feels when I complete a post. Like I’ve accomplished something. Like my BFA in creative writing might not have been a total waste. (Who am I kidding?) That being said, I’m not really notorious for my gumption. And I’ll probably never get into the habit of “being a good updater.”
So instead of an intuitive and intellectual post on the state of my life (which would be really depressing anyway), I give you this:
Things (That Are Less Gratifying But Infinitely More Efortless) That I Am Likely Doing Instead of Updating This Blog (Much to Gabby and CJ’s Dismay):
1. Talking at my dog. Mostly because he’s the only male in my life that doesn’t talk back. It’s my favorite thing about him.
2. Laying on the couch contemplating the merits of working out, but not really going to the gym.
3. Looking at the number of voicemails that my phone has collected that I haven’t checked. It’s 9 right now, in case you were wondering.
4. Playing Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back because I’m awesome.
5. Reading a Harry Potter book.
6. Looking at real estate in Seattle. Yes, I understand that I live in Charleston, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
7. Standing in front of my pantry for a 15 solid minutes before deciding that I’m not that hungry anyway.
8. Stalking my Facebook friends. And I don’t mean casually creeping through your pictures. My job has made me really creepy. Give me a name and I’ll give you more information than you ever knew was available on the internet.
9. Contemplating why men do the the idiotic things that they do, though I know full well that I will never have an answer because not even men know why they’re so dumb.
10. Thinking about how much I don’t want to get up early the next morning… no matter what time of day it is.
On a more serious note, today I did become a member of the Lukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team In Training, so over the next 5 months I’ll be working to raise $3000 before I jet down to Walt Disney World in Januray to run a total of 39.3 miles in a single weekend. If you’d like to learn more about LLS and donate to help me reach my goals (even just a buck or 2), you can do so here:
Every penny counts!
After some strong arming from friends and family, I’ve finally given in to starting another one of these blog things. Whilst I remain convinced that I am, in fact, exceptionally boring, some seem to think I have a knack in attracting the weird, and delight in my horribly awkward and incredibly unfortunate circumstances.
For those people who laughed every time I had too much to drink and told an excruciatingly embarassing story, I give you this:
"This is Why I Can’t Have Nice Things: Confessions of a Former Trainwreck"
Mostly I’ll just update sporadically, pending an amusing event in my life. Tomorrow I may even entertain with the story of “World’s Worst Date” from last week. But now, since I’m a “Former Trainwreck,” forced to live only vicariously through her collegiate alcoholic friends, I must go to bed.
5 a.m. in the corporate office comes awfully early. (That’s right, I am the future of the corportate world. Be frightened, friends.)